Its always their fault

Am I cursed?
Is it my problem?
Is there something wrong with me?
Will I ever find a guy who isn't a big shit face?


Uh...god...boys can all suck a  dick right now. They all suck at the moment and they can all go die.


Ok, so me and the guy hung out... ya know the guy...from the last post. the first actual nice guy bla bla bla, scrap that, forget it. I was wrong.


Okay, I would like to know how guys are able to fool girls? I consider myself smart. Im paranoid about everything, so I should have seen this coming right? Well I didn't.


Wanna know what happened? Well, Okay!


So we hung out on Thursday last week and we were walking around town, went to MAC's to get an energy drink and then walked to the field, arms around each other... He gave me a piggy back and touched my butt and we walked and walked. 


We got to the high school and went to the back where there is a big field and a open shack where people can go sit. So he led me there and we went and sat, and talked and sat and talked and whatever. Then I wqas telling him a story and I was mid sentence when he turned my head towards him, i was still talking at this point and then he leans forward and jams his tongue to the back of my throat. Awesome. Now, I realized that this was awkward and simply a terrible kiss but I was still weirdly excited because i really liked him.  So he obviously thought it was great because he went in four more times for more kisses.


Then we went to the front of the school where I got picked up because my car was at home. He kissed my forehead and gave me a long hug and I was really giddy. I went through the night in my mind and aside from the kiss it was awesome. 


I kept focusing on that kiss, thinking oh god was i bad? No i wasn't bad, but he was kinda bad, oh god that was awkward I hope we can practice that, oh what if he thinks it was because of me that it was bad? Why would he kiss me four more times if he thought it was bad...and so on.




So we texted that night and he was like it was fun gotta hang out again bla bla.


Anyways, so we don't talk over the weekend or anything, I text him, hello...no response. Thats fine, he's busy.


So i hear on wednesday he's going around telling people I don't know how to kiss and he is not texting me ever again. Awesome. I love boys so much.


Apparently its also going around that we had sex. So thats extra fun.


The thing that gets me is that he is the only guy who has ever treated me like this, made me like him a lot then totally became the bad guy. I wasn't prepared and I let down my walls.


I hate him a lot, but I think im going to continue to let my walls down, because i've been guarded for awhile and thats not any way to go through life.


And as people say, if it doesn't work, it wasn't ment to be and there are BILLIONS of other people out there for you! Why stress over just one. Im not actually sad or mad at all anymore, I was for the day I heard about it but I don't care now, honestly I don't. I just want to focus on finding the right guy for me at this point in my life. 


isn't that what we all want? yes.